Most self-respecting porn stars don’t use their given name. Now I realize the terms “self-respecting” and “porn stars” don’t usually go hand-in-hand, but bear with me because I’m heading toward a point.

The porn industry has a tried and true system that helps aspiring porn stars come up with on-camera nicknames. Stars like Jenna Jamison, Lexington Steele and Ron Jeremy (above) have all used the following method to come up with their on-camera names. It’s a simple formula that yields tremendous results:

Porn Star Name = Middle Name + Street You Grew Up On

Last night, while I was drinking Zima’s with my buddies, we started sharing our respective porn names with each other. We were laughing heartily when it hit me… what would Shaq’s porn name be? How about LeBron? Peyton Manning? etc, etc.

I started trying to come up with their names but the problem with pro athletes is there is no information about what street they grew up on. This left me with a huge dilema, so I had to call an audible and came up with the following formula for pro athlete porn names:

Porn Star Name = Middle Name + Head Coaches Last Name

So, to fulfill my own curiosity, and test this new formula, I created a list of some of the best athlete porn names using this new method. Needless to say, I was amazed by the results! So who’s your favorite? Do you like the formula? Am I missing any good ones out there?

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LeBron James “aka” Raymone Brown

Shaquille O’Neal “aka” Rashaun Brown

Peyton Manning “aka” Williams Caldwell

Derek Jeter “aka” Sanderson Girardi

Dwyane Wade “aka” Tyrone Spoelstra

Tiger Woods “aka” Tont Harmon

Brett Favre “aka” Lorenzo Childress

Maria Sharapova “aka” Yuryevna Landsdrop

Candace parker “aka” Nicole Gillom

Michelle Wie “aka” Sung Leadbetter

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When you’re the best quarterback in the NFL marketing opportunities are bound to come up, and Peyton Manning rarely lets an opportunity pass. As a result, each fall our brains are filled with Peyton Manning commercials, and with his inclusion in the Superbowl this upcoming weekend the Manning-mania is full throttle.

Whether he’s endorsing an insurance company, T.V. channel, or credit card company, Manning does it with southern class and a dash of dry humor. If they haven’t been beaten into your head already check out a couple favorites after the jump, but be sure to see Peyton’s funniest work above in a United Way spoof he made while hosting SNL.

If you have brothers there’s no doubt you can relate to this one.

Manning, the eternal optimist.

The Indianapolis Colts killed any shot at getting Cinderella to the ball this year as they routed the underdog fan-favorite New York Jets 30-17 at home. In his second game since winning a 4th NFL MVP Award, Peyton Manning threw for 377 yards  and scored 3 touchdowns. If he manages to to bring home another championship he could probably run for governor.

It wasn’t all peaches and cream for the men in blue and white though. Things were uneasy for the home team early as the Jets went into half with a 17-13 lead. Unfortunately for New York faithful that was all they would be able to muster offensively all day.  In the second half the Colts’ defense cinched down and goose egged Mark Sanchez and the rest of the green machine offense.

Unfortunately for fans this means the end of bat-shit-crazy press conferences with Jets head coach Rex Ryan, or at least we’ll have to wait until next season. The mans blind confidence and bold statements have enamored sports media and inspired his football team, which has surpassed any expectations they had on them at the beginning of the season. We tip our hat to you Mr. Ryan.  You may have more in common with Gary Busey than Vince Lombardi, but dammit you’re getting the job done (float some tips to your brother in Cleveland).

The Colts find out who they’ll be facing in the Super Bowl when the Saints and Vikings settle things in New Orleans tonight. The game will start at 6:40 PM E.T and will be broadcasted on FOX.

The J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS, pulled off an improbable win in San Diego that left Chargers fans in shock (haha… get it?). The Jets were supposed to be lucky just to be in the tournament (stealing Rex Ryan terminology), but they weren’t supposed to advance. Now, after a cold win in Cincinnati, and another in sunny San Diego, the New York Jets are heading to the AFC Championship game in Indianapolis to face the the heavily favored Colts.

The “other” game, a much anticipated NFC match-up between Minnesota and Dallas, was supposed to be a barn burner. It was supposed to be the red-hot Dallas defense battling against Favre & Co.’s triple-threat offense. In reality it turned out to be the Brett Favre, Sidney Rice pitch-and-catch show. And on the other side of the ball, the only thing Tony Romo accomplished during his trip to Minnesota was walking off the field under his own power. Romo spent the majority of the afternoon getting thrown around in the backfield like a WWE stage-prop.

So the stage is set and the Final Four of the NFL looks like this…

AFC Championship Game
New York Jets @ Indianapolis Colts
Sunday, January 24th, 3:00pm EST on CBS
Indianapolis favored by 7.5

NFC Championship Game
Minnesota Vikings @ New Orleans Saints
Sunday, January 24th, 6:40pm EST on FOX
New Orleans favored by 4.5

We’ll have a complete run-down and predictions this week so check back in!

Last night in Indianapolis, the AFC’s top seeded Colts dominated the Ravens, 20-3. Earlier yesterday in New Orleans, the NFC’s top seeded Saints, dismantled the Cardinals, 45-14. This is the first year since 1994 that both #1 seeds made it to the AFC and NFC Championship games, respectively.

Indianapolis vs. Baltimore Recap
Peyton Manning dissected the Ravens secondary all night, throwing for 246 yards on 30 of 44 passing. Manning threw 2 touchdowns and a pick and had a passer rating of only 87.9. However, that rating doesn’t factor in level of difficulty and the Ravens defense shut down the Colts running game (only 42 total yards) and didn’t give the Colts receivers any space all night. In other words, an 87.9 passer rating against that defense under those circumstances is other-worldly.

What separates Peyton Manning from every other quarterback in the NFL is that he can complete passes even when receivers are covered. Keep in mind that Peyton’s starting receivers last night were Reggie Wayne, Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie. Wayne is a legitimate star, but Garcon was a 6th round pick out of Mount Union and Collie was a 4th round pick out of BYU. Manning is so good he makes guys like Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie household names. If those two receivers were on any other team, commentators would be making excuses for the quarterback like they did for Flacco last night. Bottom-line? Peyton Manning can win with anybody at receiver. Give him Flacco’s guys and he still get the win. That’s why he’s by far the best quarterback in the NFL today.

New Orleans vs. Arizona Recap
Another quarterback who’s not playing too bad these days is Drew Brees. Brees led a Saints offensive onslaught yesterday against the Cardinals, putting up 38 points. The Saints were slumping at the end of the regular season, highlighted by a loss to Tampa Bay, but things got turned around in a heartbeat yesterday. Brees threw for 247 yards (1 yard better than Manning) on 23 of 32 passing. He also tallied 3 touchdowns and had a passer rating of 125.4.

Brees played very well, but he wasn’t the headline story for the Saints yesterday because Reggie Bush stole the show. Bush looked like the old #5 from Southern Cal against the Cards, dazzling fans with his quickness and speed. Bush had 5 offensive carries for 84 yards and 1 touchdown. He also caught 4 passes and has 3 punt returns for 103 yards and a 2nd touchdown. The only thing odd about Bush’s performance is that is seemingly came out of nowhere. Bush has been a non-factor since entering the NFL in 2006, but yesterday he had a one-man coming out party. We’ll see if he can have a repeat performance next week in the NFC Championship game.

The Vols haven’t had a good week since Lane Kiffin bailed for Southern Cal. And, based on Tennessee’s current coaching search, things are only getting worse.

Earlier this week Texas Defensive Coordinator, Will Muschamp, the front-runner for the Tennessee job, pulled his name from consideration. The idea that a Coordinator would turn down an SEC head coaching job says a lot about Texas and even more about Tennessee. Maybe Tennessee isn’t a football powerhouse after all?

After Muschamp passed, the Vols continued down their wish list to Duke head coach, David Cutcliffe. In a shock to UT fans, Cutcliffe also withdrew his name from consideration saying, “We’ve worked very hard these two years to change the culture, to change the team physically. You feel like the job’s not done, and in this era, it bothers me, what we do as coaches, moving here and there. This is mid-January. Nothing about that felt right to me as a person.”

Duke is 9-15 over the past two seasons under Cutcliffe. Cutcliffe’s decision is bizarre considering Duke would fall into most experts ‘Top 10 Worst Places to Coach’ lists. Academic standards at Duke are off-the-charts, the program has no history, the stadium only holds 34,000 fans and Duke will forever be a basketball school. The idea that a coach would shun Rocky Top for Duke has to be kick in the balls to Vols fans everywhere. Message to Tennessee Football Fans: Duke is officially a more coveted program than UT.

Now, Tennessee is down to Louisiana Tech’s Derek Dooley and Temple’s Al Golden. Kippy Brown, in his third stint at Tennessee, is the Vols’ interim coach. Brown on Wednesday said he’s been told that he also would be considered for the permanent head-coaching job. Over the last two seasons the Vols have been 12-13 and things are only going to get worse because UT is in a doom-loop of epic proportions. The next shoe to fall is recruiting, which, after Kiffin’s departure, will be abysmal.

The next time an obnoxious Tennessee fan drones on about how great Rocky Top is, I’m going to laugh in their face, because Tennessee football is a bigger joke than Peyton Manning’s hair.