Most self-respecting porn stars don’t use their given name. Now I realize the terms “self-respecting” and “porn stars” don’t usually go hand-in-hand, but bear with me because I’m heading toward a point.

The porn industry has a tried and true system that helps aspiring porn stars come up with on-camera nicknames. Stars like Jenna Jamison, Lexington Steele and Ron Jeremy (above) have all used the following method to come up with their on-camera names. It’s a simple formula that yields tremendous results:

Porn Star Name = Middle Name + Street You Grew Up On

Last night, while I was drinking Zima’s with my buddies, we started sharing our respective porn names with each other. We were laughing heartily when it hit me… what would Shaq’s porn name be? How about LeBron? Peyton Manning? etc, etc.

I started trying to come up with their names but the problem with pro athletes is there is no information about what street they grew up on. This left me with a huge dilema, so I had to call an audible and came up with the following formula for pro athlete porn names:

Porn Star Name = Middle Name + Head Coaches Last Name

So, to fulfill my own curiosity, and test this new formula, I created a list of some of the best athlete porn names using this new method. Needless to say, I was amazed by the results! So who’s your favorite? Do you like the formula? Am I missing any good ones out there?

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LeBron James “aka” Raymone Brown

Shaquille O’Neal “aka” Rashaun Brown

Peyton Manning “aka” Williams Caldwell

Derek Jeter “aka” Sanderson Girardi

Dwyane Wade “aka” Tyrone Spoelstra

Tiger Woods “aka” Tont Harmon

Brett Favre “aka” Lorenzo Childress

Maria Sharapova “aka” Yuryevna Landsdrop

Candace parker “aka” Nicole Gillom

Michelle Wie “aka” Sung Leadbetter

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Training camp + four preseason games + sixteen regular season games + playoffs = roughly 6 months in a NFL season. Brett Favre joined the Minnesota Vikings at the end of camp this year, yet had the best statistical season of his illustrious career. Favre threw for 4,746 yards, 38 TD’s and only 9 interceptions in 2010. He also led led the Vikings to a 12-4 season and carried them all the way to the NFC Championship game.

And his last throw of the year was an interception that cost the Vikings a chance to go to the Super Bowl.

Favre didn’t lose the game, but, he didn’t win it either. Favre’s costly 4th quarter interception eliminated Minnesota’s chance for a Longwell, game-winning field goal. Now the Saints will represent the NFC in Miami in Super Bowl XLIV.

I’m not a Brett Favre hater, but it’s hard to ignore how bad he’s been in the clutch. Remember the 2008 NFC Championship when he threw the game-losing pick against the New York Giants? The game was at Lambeau and it was blistering cold. Favre threw an interception to Corey Webster in overtime and the Giants kicked the game winning field goal. Then the Giants went on to beat the undefeated Patriots in the greatest upset in Super Bowl history.

Remember the 2004 Divisional Playoff game in Philadelphia when Favre threw a pass to Brian Dawkins? The Eagles won that game on a David Akers field goal.

How about the 2003 Wild Card Playoff game against Mike Vick and the Falcons at Lambeau? Atlanta had a 24-0 lead and Favre contributed to the “comeback that never was” throwing an interception and adding a late fumble.

Don’t even get me started on his days as a New York Jet. Favre threw 9 interceptions and only 2 touchdown’s in the last 5 games of the season.

How do we judge quarterbacks? Playoff wins and Super Bowls. I’m not a big fan of comparing quarterbacks from different eras, but Brett Favre isn’t even in the top five during his 19 years in the NFL. Favre might be the NFL’s iron-man, and his toughness and passing stats are not in question. But when you start thinking about clutch performers over the last 19 years it’s hard to put him in the top five.

Joe Montana, Steve Young, Troy Aikman, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady… I’d want any one of these guys as my quarterback in the playoffs before Brett Favre.

People will debate Favre’s legacy again this off-season, but his legacy is already cemented for me. Despite 19 years of winning and and nearly every passing record in NFL history, my memories of #4 can be summarized in one sentence.

Catastrophic interceptions in the biggest moments of the biggest games.

Training camp + four preseason games + sixteen regular season games + playoffs = roughly 6 months in a NFL season. Nearly half a year of hard work for an entire NFL team comes down to a few key plays. And on too many occasions Brett Favre hasn’t been able to deliver.

The J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS, pulled off an improbable win in San Diego that left Chargers fans in shock (haha… get it?). The Jets were supposed to be lucky just to be in the tournament (stealing Rex Ryan terminology), but they weren’t supposed to advance. Now, after a cold win in Cincinnati, and another in sunny San Diego, the New York Jets are heading to the AFC Championship game in Indianapolis to face the the heavily favored Colts.

The “other” game, a much anticipated NFC match-up between Minnesota and Dallas, was supposed to be a barn burner. It was supposed to be the red-hot Dallas defense battling against Favre & Co.’s triple-threat offense. In reality it turned out to be the Brett Favre, Sidney Rice pitch-and-catch show. And on the other side of the ball, the only thing Tony Romo accomplished during his trip to Minnesota was walking off the field under his own power. Romo spent the majority of the afternoon getting thrown around in the backfield like a WWE stage-prop.

So the stage is set and the Final Four of the NFL looks like this…

AFC Championship Game
New York Jets @ Indianapolis Colts
Sunday, January 24th, 3:00pm EST on CBS
Indianapolis favored by 7.5

NFC Championship Game
Minnesota Vikings @ New Orleans Saints
Sunday, January 24th, 6:40pm EST on FOX
New Orleans favored by 4.5

We’ll have a complete run-down and predictions this week so check back in!