(Sad truth at :20 mark, let the looting begin)

Despite the animated declaration of Cavaliers’ supremacy by owner Dan Gilbert, it was mostly smoke being blown up the asses’ of Cleveland faithful. They’re screwed, and will be for a while. The best near-future option would be picking up Carmelo Anthony next offseason. Fat chance, bitches. Who would want to play in Northeast Ohio? I’ll name you one guy that didn’t… Chris Bosh. And because the velociraptor prefers sunlight to smog, NBA history has changed forever.

Here’s the impact on the two most affected demographics…

Miami: Now South Beach is home to the newest “Big Three.” A stellar cast of three All-Stars who’ve played together once before during their Gold medal triumph in the 2008 Olympics. One problem, three guys can’t fill a roster. Now that they’re using 98% of Miami’s spending cash they’ll need to see if Reggie Miller will play for a McDonald’s salary or Shaq for Superman memorabilia. Dwyane Wade said in an interview that each of the “Three Amigos” (No? Okay, we’ll work on it) had a list of free agents and veterans they planned on recruiting to South Beach. Perhaps Zydrunas Ilgauskas would take a pay cut for a chance at the title and season near the beach. Don’t do it Z, it would twist the knife in Clevelands’ back.

Cleveland: Immediately following “The Decision” ESPN showed two dudes in Lacoste shirts burning a LeBron jersey. Were you wearing that thing over your polo, bro, or did you just bring it in case he left? Now Cleveland is stuck with a roster of scrubs meant to compliment the King and a coach that was almost certainly appointed by his Airness. At least they’ve got all fall to get used to losing.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 9th, 2010 at 1:37 pm and is filed under NBA. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.