Kids have historically said hilarious shit, just turn to that show Cosby hosted or the “I like turtles” kid for proof. That’s why it was a sure thing when Jimmy Kimmel hit the streets and asked kids what they thought their favorite athletes made. 40 cents, really kid? Yeah, and they’ll give ya Ferrari if you trade a stick of Juicy Fruit and two rookie cards. Guess whose dad doesn’t have an “Honor Student” bumper sticker on the back of his ’94 Chevy Astro Starcraft?

Have a great weekend Bore nation. Don’t drink and drive and eat fast food and blast the sound system and not have your lights on. Or any lethal combination of those things you crazy hooligans.

Chael Sonnen is yet to put the breaks on his bumping gums, using the gift of gab to rally the MMA world ahead of his title clash with number one ranked pound-for-pound fighter in the world, Anderson “Spider” Silva. In Silva’s last outing he taunted and embarrassed (himself and) contender Damian Maia for jokingly saying in the pre-fight interviews that he might take one of the Spiders’ eight legs. Imagine what the champ will do to Chael when he hears this:

“We don’t have to fight. I issued him, in writing, I sent it over, my demands: He leave the UFC for no less than 12 months. He issue an apology to the fans. Simple things. And he erect a statue in my likeness in his living room that he bow to each evening. He didn’t accept ‘em.”

Chael may be the best shit-talker in UFC history, but he’s facing the man Dana White would have you believe is the best fighter in UFC history. Unfortunately come August 7th those skills will likely shine brighter than Sonnen’s mouth, which should be bloodied and missing teeth. Regardless, Chael has talked me into shelling out the $55 to see this thing. USA! USA! USA! I just hate to see another big championship fight end in a horrifying post-fight interview burdened by language barriers…

Some folks are trying to punish teams for getting their boogie on, meanwhile, it’s the only thing soccer’s got on American sports favorites such as football and  basketball. Icelandic soccer club Stjarnan appears to spends more time choreographing their celebrations than practicing their dribbling, and why not fellas – your Icelanders, lets slap da’ bass and party!

Check out more of the Stjarnan boys putting Ochocinco to shame after the jump courtesy of our friends at Yahoo!Sports.

Things just got awesome in Cincinnati. T.O., a.k.a. “Team Obviator”, will be joining Chad Ochocinco and Carson Palmer this fall, instantly making the Bengals the most entertaining team in the NFL. We just wish HBO’s Hard Knocks was bringing their cameras back into the butthole of Ohio. But don’t worry fellas, we’ll still be able to get our fix of the two NFL divas on their VH1 reality shows. They certainly aren’t afraid of baring it all in front of cameras.

The big question now is whether two of the biggest egos in the league can share the spotlight? And it looks like the power struggle has already begun…

I can’t wait for football season.

Alright baseball fans, your sport’s the only one left and we still haven’t given it any love. We know the Rays’ Garza just threw the 5th no-no of the season last night, and that’s great. The Hall of Fame inductions also took place last week and a few likable dudes I’ve never heard of had their names etched into the history books. That’s also good stuff. Unfortunately, we didn’t cover any of it, and we’re sorry for that.

We did catch Albert Pujols, a.k.a. “The Machine”, on the set of Letterman last night though. The Dominican Republic-born slugger found himself in the batters-box opposite Rescue Me star Denis Leary – or as you may know him, the Asshole song guy. Obviously Pujols knocked every ball the mick threw over the plate into the sky, but Letterman went an impressive .500 also.

Check out Albert’s full interview here.

7-time Tour de France winner and cancer survivor Lance Armstrong  pedaled the last leg of the race that made him famous Sunday, finishing 23rd after a run of bad breaks and mother time finally gaining on the pedalling wizard.

Well, good riddance.

Lance Armstrong should be the most adored athlete in America. His story should inspire millions to keep fighting and solicit enough donations to cure cancer and aids. His poster ought to be on every kids’ wall world-wide, but instead his name is marred by steroid allegations and we universally hate him.

You know why? Because everyone who’s ever met him has something bad to say about how he wouldn’t snap a picture or sign an autograph. Because he left the woman that stayed at his bedside through all the chemotherapy and recovery for a country music star. Because he thinks that it was noble of him to simply finish the race instead of quitting in the middle because he wasn’t on his way to an 8th championship.

So with that, Lance, we bid you adieu. You’ll always be half the man of our real heroes.

The landscape of the NBA has never seen more change. Stoudemire’s off to the Big Apple while LeBron and Bosh joined Wade in Miami to make their own “Big Three.” Matt Barnes and Lamar Odom have kissed and made up while CP3 is looking to “take his talents” outside of New Orleans. Lost in the whirlwind of Summer 2010 is Minnesota’s acquisition of former number two draft pick Michael Beasley. You may remember Beasley was set to be the next big thing after earning NCAA Player of the Year honors in 2008. Well according to Timberwolves President David Kahn the star is poised to shine again, now that he’s done with that nasty pot stuff…

Kahn has been fined $50,000 after dropping this gem while a guest on 1500 ESPN Twin Cities last week:

“He’s a very young and immature kid who smoked too much marijuana and has told me that he’s not smoking anymore and I told him that I would trust him as long as that was the case.”

Yeah, that could be it. Then again it didn’t stop Michael Phelps from becoming the best swimmer… ever. And am I mistaken or does cheebin’ Tim have a Cy Young in his trophy case? If you’re familiar with Beasley’s past, however, you know that weed (or poor decision making) has already cost him a Twitter account (see pic above) and $50,000. Let’s hope it doesn’t hold him back from having a respectable NBA legacy.

M.J. said Kobe’s better, Steve Carell and Paul Rudd ripped into him on national television to the delight of millions, and did we mention that Dan Gilbert guy? Well now Dwight Howard is getting into the bash-LeBron business, and let us tell ya’, business is booming. We’d also like to say it’s nice seeing a superstar ride commercial. Take some notes, LeBron.

People in Cleveland (and around the country for that matter) haven’t been able to shut up about how much they hate Lebron, and how bad of a guy he is. Perhaps it makes them feel better to announce on local radio stations that “Lebron is a loser who can’t win in big games. Lebron gave up against the Celtics in the playoffs. Lebron is an ego-maniac who not only held a one hour show to announce his decision but gave himself the nickname of “The King”, and has a tattoo across his back from shoulder to shoulder that reads, ‘The Chosen One’.” Now people are saying that everyone in Cleveland knew how much of a problem Lebron actually was the whole 7 years. Apparently every decision had to be run by him, players were afraid to cross him, and he always hated Dan Gilbert (who in turn always hated Lebron). These same fans also say that Lebron almost wasn’t chosen for the ‘Redeem Team’ in 2008 because of these known problems, and even once in Beijing, Lebron was a distraction.

I want to take this time to preface the rest of this article with a quick disclaimer: I have never liked Lebron since he entered the NBA. I still don’t like Lebron, nor do I like the way he handled his free agent decision. I also want to point out that I do feel bad for Cleveland with their horrible sports history of heartbreak…

Ok did I cover myself?

Cleveland, you need to shut the hell up! Lebron has always been all of these terrible things that you only now are getting angry about. His arrogant tattoo across his back…he’s had that for years. Throwing the chalk in the air (and rudely all over the people sitting at the scorers’ table) has always been a call for attention. After they lost to the Magic and he didn’t shake hands you defended him and called him a competitor; now you call him a jerk. The ‘problems’ he caused in China in 2008… that was years ago too, and if you really wanted to hear it, those stories were coming out back then. He was a loser who never won a championship or even a finals game going into this free agency, and his decision was always childish and self-gratifying. But Cleveland, YOU NEVER SAID ANY OF THIS UNTIL AFTER HE LEFT YOU. You not only dealt with it and embraced it, but you loved it. You were happy to hold the WITNESS signs and call him the King. You threw chalk in the air with him, and blamed everyone but Lebron for the losses. Even after he “quit” in the playoffs, announced his hour long show, and refused to talk to any potential new Cavs coaches, you desperately wanted him back. Dan Gilbert was willing to pay him over $100 Million to come back.

If you truly believe that Lebron is all of those terrible things, then why did you want him back? Maybe Cleveland, you needed something, and you were willing to look past a lot for a little bit of happiness, but now you just look stupid.

I would tell you that your new favorite player should be Kevin Durant. After all, you have no one fun to root for in Cleveland. Kevin Durant is everything that you hate about Lebron turned on its head. He just loyally resigned with his team for 5 years by simply announcing it on Twitter. He is on the USA team this summer, despite spending his past 4 summers with the USA team too. (Lebron didn’t have the time this summer). Durant smiles, does the right things, and scored more points a game than Lebron last season. But Cleveland, you don’t deserve Durant… he’s too good for you.

*By the way, I just reread this… and I stand by what I said. But sorry Cleveland, that was rough, and I really do like you. Best of luck to the Browns this season… you’re going to need it. (Oops, I put you down again.)

I know it’s the lamest thing you could watch a replay of, but I couldn’t help but notice things went differently than I remembered while watching a replay of “The Decision” last night… Possibly more hysterical, however, was Steve Carrell and Paul Rudd’s spoof of King Look-At-Me’s charade played during this years ESPY’s. Check it out after the jump.