(Z giving his best Yo Momma ”ohhhhh” face)
Well Cleveland, consider the knife turned. In a stunning act of betrayal Zydrunas Ilgauskashas has left the Cleveland Caveliers after 14 years, and for none other than the Miami Heat… deja fucking vu. But worry not Clevelanders, your fearless owner Dan Gilbert has a letter he wants you to see, but it looks like he’s gotten a bit lazy:
Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;
As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening foothills of Lietuvos Respublika, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.
This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special ESPN bottom line update of his “decision” unlike anything ever “witnessed” “Zeen“ in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.
You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.
You have given so much and deserve so much more.
In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight: “I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ Queen Album cover look-a-like WINS ONE”
You can take it to the bank, bitches.
Sleep well, Cleveland. Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day….
