One week until college football kicks off but for now we’re stuck with baseball highlights, and you know I’m not a fan. But wiffle ball…? Fuck yeah! Thus the wiffle ball web gem above. First off, awesome stadium, almost as cool as Mazomanie, Wisconsin’s field of dreams. Second, impressive grab. You saved the score, got your name on the loud speaker and rallied the crowd into a frenzy. But really, act like you’ve been there before, it is still wiffle ball. There is no third but while we’re heralding intramural sports you might as well drop your jaw to a dope ultimate frisbee catch after the jump.

Bald and beautiful baby, bald and beautiful.

Holy schadenfreude. This video reminds me of my pal Mike, who is constantly embarrassing himself in front of large crowds yet maintains the will to plow forward. When it happens to Mike it’s hilarious though, the above is just hard to watch.

Things started off great. The kid got the chance to run to 3rd in front of a packed Angels field, childhood dream come true. Plus he was escorted by six mega-hot Angel’s girls, adult dream come true – that’s two off the bucket list already. Unfortunately as soon as the starting gun sounded the little man fell to the ground and dislocated his elbow. Then he got up like a wounded soldier and tried to jog it out anyway, attempting to hold the fractured arm in place all the way. My God what a nightmare, I hope they gave him the free Papa John’s pizza despite the fail.

Alright baseball fans, your sport’s the only one left and we still haven’t given it any love. We know the Rays’ Garza just threw the 5th no-no of the season last night, and that’s great. The Hall of Fame inductions also took place last week and a few likable dudes I’ve never heard of had their names etched into the history books. That’s also good stuff. Unfortunately, we didn’t cover any of it, and we’re sorry for that.

We did catch Albert Pujols, a.k.a. “The Machine”, on the set of Letterman last night though. The Dominican Republic-born slugger found himself in the batters-box opposite Rescue Me star Denis Leary – or as you may know him, the Asshole song guy. Obviously Pujols knocked every ball the mick threw over the plate into the sky, but Letterman went an impressive .500 also.

Check out Albert’s full interview here.

So you’re at the ball game…

Beer in hand, a couple brats settling in your belly and enough peanut shells to cause a ruckus every time you move your feet. Your roommate made fun of you when you left the apartment with a glove but WHAM, fly ball right into your mitt, fuck you Kevin. Awesome, right? Wrong, you’re an obese woman being referred to as a man several times by the broadcast crew running the nationally televised game. Probably shoulda’ let some 12-year-old catch the thing.

I’ve never been a huge fan of baseball, but if there was a wiffle ball game going down in the neighborhood I’d be the first one on the field. It’s one of the few activities that’s more fun than the sport it’s emulating, and now that summer’s here and America’s greatest past-time is just about the only sport left on the tube, it’s time to skip SportsCenter and “Play ball!”

‘Duk from the Big League Stew recently spent a bachelor party in Mazomanie, Wisconsin, a city less known for it’s wild nights and more for the wiffle ball mecca you see above. If that doesn’t make you want to throw some rubber plates down in the back yard the video after the jump certainly will (at least for the first minute or so). “Hey… You fags wanna’ play some wiffle ball?”

Stephen Strasburg made his big league pitching debut yesterday, fulfilling expectations and dropping jaws at a packed Nationals Park. In 7 innings of action the 21-year-old threw 94 pitches with 14 strikeouts and only two runs scored. After the game teammates popped on the King’s wig and pied him in the face for his efforts. It looks like Nationals’ fans have a new reason to show up to the ballpark… at least every fifth game.

Say farewell to one of the sweetest swings in baseball, folks… Ken Griffey Jr. has retired. The first-ballot Hall of Famer to-be walked away from the game in ho hum fashion, releasing a statement through the franchise he brought to prominence in the ’90s.

“While I feel I am still able to make a contribution on the field and nobody in the Mariners front office has asked me to retire, I told the Mariners when I met with them prior to the 2009 season and was invited back that I will never allow myself to become a distraction. I feel that without enough occasional starts to be sharper coming off the bench, my continued presence as a player would be an unfair distraction to my teammates and their success as a team is what the ultimate goal should be.”

We were blessed enough to see his famous home run smile 630 times (5th all time), 1,836 runs batted in and 13 all-star appearances in a 22-year career. Hell, he even had a video game named after him. Where the hell is this dudes farwell parade? Best of luck to Griffey with whatever he does next, I hope it involves some golf and softball with his pals.

Amid reports that Ken Griffy Jr. was sleeping on the job last week, Mets broadcaster Keith Hernandez gave us further proof that baseball is not the most entertaining sport on television… In the video above you’ll see a member of the production crew forced to lull Hernandez out of a nap while returning from a commercial break. I can’t blame the guy, my eye lids start getting heavy right after I hear the words, “Play ball!”

Hernandez spent a chunk of his playing career in New York and should probably be embarrassed by the incident, but it’s mostly just funny. Even funnier is that “Mex” is making headlines again because of the bad blood between he and ex-teamate Bernie Carbo, which was revealed in an episode of Outside the Lines this past Sunday. Carbo alleges that he tried to hire goons to break Hernandez’ arms after “Mex” name-dropped to the police about some booger sugar use in ’85. Get these guys a reality show already!

In an interview with MLB.com Byrnes explained he spent the first 48 hours of retirement on the golf course and planned on joining a local softball league Wednesday evening. The team sponsor? The “Dutch Goose,” a beer pub in Menlo park, California. Byrnes had this to say about the transition:

“This is going to be a blast. Playing with my buddies. I can’t wait for my first hit. I’m going to ask for the ball.”

This guy is awesome! The $11 million comes courtesy of the Diamondbacks, who will be paying off the final year of a three year/$30 million extension they signed him to midway through the 2007 season – right before his output decreased tremendously… whoops. Best to Mr. Byrnes and the rest of team Dutch Goose this season, we’ll be rooting for you!

I was just forgetting about the Phillie asshole that purposely vomited on a 15-year-old girl and all of the sudden ESPN starts pumping out polls, interviews and segments on a new incident that took place at Citizens Bank Park Monday. Steve Consalvi, a high school senior headed to Penn State next fall, thought it would be a once in a lifetime experience to run on the field during a game. He even called his father for permission, which he wasn’t granted, but boys will be boys…

Consalvi would zig-zag around the outfield, evading the security crew to the delight of the crowd, until one of those chubby bastards said “fuck it” and ripped out a taser gun. Yup, it truly was a once in a lifetime experience. Tuesday a 34-year-old copy-cat attempted to pour gas on the flame by jumping the outfield fence and giving it a go of his own. He was quickly captured without incident, nor tasering, and charged with marijuana possession, criminal mischief, disorderly conduct and other counts. Reports confirm he did not call his father for permission.